What is this?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and


crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train


stations on my lunch breaks, making them more


efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate


ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning


operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I


tread water for three days in a row.





I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone


playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with


unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in


twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in


love, and an outlaw in Peru.





Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once


single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon


Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play


bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the


subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I


build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy


urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I


repair electrical appliances free of charge.





I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a


ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my


original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't


perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan


mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the


weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with


a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat


.400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame


in international botany circles. Children trust me.





I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with


deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick,


and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to


refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know


the exact location of every food item in the


supermarket. I have performed several covert


operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do


sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in


Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of


terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of


physics do not apply to me.





I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills


are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I


participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I


discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it


down. I have made extraordinary four course meals


using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed


prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,


cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling


bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have


performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with


Elvis.





But I have not yet gone to college.

What is this?
That was very, very good. You could very well become a very good fictional writer; so why are you on here???


Get going and put your God-given talent to good use!
Reply:I think I'm in love.